No Pies For You
by Adina Mizu
Summary: It was a harmless pie right? Uh, no John, just no.


As of now in the new world the kids and trolls had both managed to create it was just turning into the cooler months and with where John and Karkat were settled it was getting rainy too. John liked the rain as it reminded him of his home back on earth, though Karkat just seemed more irritated at the near constant showers. Speaking of the short tempered troll, he was currently out of the hive, though where he had gone off to was a mystery. He hadn't bothered to tell John before he left, which, in turn, left the boy a bit pouty.

In order to distract himself from the empty hive John had been on pesterchum since he had been left alone. He had chatted with Sollux, Jade, Tavros, and even Terezi. It wasn't like he talked about anything important or anything, he was just really bored. Which is why when he heard a knock at the door he jolted up and let a smile spread quickly across his face. Shooting quick goodbyes to those he was chatting with he jumped from the couch and flung the door open, just like Karkat had always told him not to.

"Hey there motherfucker." The familiar voice of none other then Gamzee Makara greeted warmly.

"Hi Gamzee, what are you doing here?" John asked in the same manner.

"I was just all up and looking for my Kar-bro." Gamzee answered.

"Oh, well. Karkat's not here right now." John informed the juggalo.

"Well, he tell a motherfucker where he was all up and going too?" Gamzee asked his usual grin starting to fall just a bit.

"Uh, no actually. He didn't say a thing." John replied, "But if you want you can come in and wait for him. With all the rain that we've been getting I don't think he'd be out for too long."

"Well, that's all up and motherfucking hospitable of you." Gamzee's smile came back full force as John let him in.

It was as the tall troll made his way in that John noticed that he was carrying something. It was a box, sort of like cake box only smaller.

"What's that?" John asked closing the front door.

"Hm?" Gamzee looked down as if he himself had only just realized he was carrying something, "Oh yea, come 'ere bro an I'll all up and show you."

John then proceeded to follow the juggalo into the kitchen where he placed the box on the counter and begain to open it. Inside sat a green pie looking thing. It didn't take John more then a moment to realize what it was exactly. One of Gamzee's infamous 'slime pies'. Karkat had ranted about them on more then one occation so it was no mystery that this is what gave Gamzee his 'miraculous' view of everything. Looking at it now it didn't look bad really. It wasn't exactly normal, but it looked..._interesting_.

"Ta da! I made him a special slime pie and came up here to deliver it to that tiny motherfucker myself." Gamzee stated proudly, "I thought it would all up and help a brother to calm the motherfuck down."

"I don't think he'll eat it though." John said with a nervous laugh.

"I know, but at least I thought of a brother." Gamzee replied coolly.

John looked at the 'pie' and although he knew it was made of the same slime that the trolls slept in he couldn't but wonder what it tasted like. I mean, come on, who hasn't had the same thought? It was right there and, Gamzee ate it all the time right? It was like, liquid troll pot or something. Now John had never smoked pot, but he had seen what people were like on it in the movies. That and seing how happy Gamzee always looked, the thought occured to him okay? And with it sitting there, in the pie dish, staring him in the face so, so..._invitingly_ how could he not?

"Hey, Gamzee. Do you think, maybe I could try some?" John asked hesitantly.

"Huh? You sure bro?" Gamzee asked rather surprised by the question.

"Yea." John nodded, "Karkat said I could start trying troll food and all."

"Well, if he says it's all motherfucking okay and shit." Gamzee replied with his usualy grin.

John turned and opened one of the cabinets taking out what looked like some odd kind of pen. After placing it on the counter John got a plate and two spoons and turned back to the 'pie'. Handing one spoon to the Bard John watched as the other, who already had some of the stuff on his finger clearly from having dipped it in, proceeded to simply eat the stuff from the dish. Looking down at the plate John realized there was no way he was going to get any of it there without just plain pouring it out. So instead he just scooped up some on his spoon. Sniffing the substance first John got what he expected, the scent of the slime found in Karkat's recuperacoon. Carefully he brought ths spoon to his lips and tilted it so that the substance just slipped past his lips.

It was...definately not _natural_ by any standards. Though...it wasn't bad? It was kind of salty-ish tasting, and it had that off taste that you usually found in like, lemon or lime pie. It wasn't flavored like lemon or lime, it just had that odd after taste. It was thick but also kind of not, like jello-ish consistancy. It was also kind of semi-sweet, like...gummie bears.

Thinking over the flavor and consistancy carefully John decided after a moment that it wasn't really all that bad. Gamzee gave him a huge grin when he dipped his spoon back into the dish a second time, doing the same himself.

"So, what do you think motherfucker?" He asked.

"It's not that bad actually." John replied, to which Gamzee clapped him on the back.

"Taste's like a motherfuckin' miracle." He said continuing to eat it along with John.

Now John had only meant to taste it, but, it just tasted too weird. With every bite he kept trying to find something he could compair it to, but there really was nothing. After a few minutes of eating John started to feel a bit woozy and was forced to put down his spoon. He held onto the countertop as he wavered on his feet. Gamzee smiled and laughed as John was starting to get dizzy from the slime. But something was wrong, it wasn't just dizzyness he was feeling.

"Hey, John bro, you alright?" Gamzee asked noticing the pained frown that spread on his face as he started to cradle his stomach.

John didn't even have time to answer as he turned and retched right there on the kitchen floor. He sank onto his knees and nearly fell forward but Gamzee caught him. Propping the kid up against the counter the Capricorn repeated his name over and over as the boy gasped and groaned in pain. He was clutching his stomach tightly with his eyes squeezed shut. This was not good. It didn't seem like an allergic reaction, but if it wasn't that then John had no idea what was wrong with him, which scared him even more.

John had to push the juggalo away at one point as he threw up some more. The substance being expelled was green like the slime he had just eaten, but it was also slightly red. Not good. Gamzee was starting to panic now as the shear amount of vomit coming from the kid increased along with the string of pained groaning. All the troll could think to do was to rub his back in as comforting a manner as he could manage.

It was now, of all times, that the kithcen door opened and in stepped none other then Karkat Vantas himself. The sight that greeted him was less then fucking okay. Gamzee was leaning over John as he heaved green and red vile substances across the kitchen floor.

"_John!_" Karkat yelled rounding the counter and pushing Gamzee back as he tried to get a better look at his Matesprite.

John groaned but said nothing.

"_What the fuck happened?!_" Karkat growled at the Capricorn.

"I don't motherfucking know. We were just all up and waiting for you to get back so I could give you a motherfuckin pie-"

"Pie?" Karkat repeated looking up at the counter at the now abandoned and mostly spilled pie.

Looking back at John and the green substance that was being ejected from him the Cancer had to force himself to take a deep breath. When he returned his gaze to his moirail he was glaring daggers.

"Gamzee, did you let my fucking Matesprite eat one of your gog damn _slime pies?_" He asked through gritted teeth.

"He said you were all up and lettin a bro-"

"Letting him eat _food_, Gamzee, not that fucking _poison_!" Karkat yelled "_Look at him! He could be fucking __**dying!**_"

"Karkat I-"

"Shut up." Karkat snapped as he ripped his phone from his pocket and flipped it open.

Cradling John as best he could with one arm Karkat typed furiously, or at least he tried too. Typing on a small phone with one shaking hand was kind of difficult and so after a moment he gave up and just dialed the number out and waited for them to answer.

"Hello?" A voice asked finally on the other side.

"Rose, where's Kanaya? It's fucking important." Karkat asked in a rush.

"I would think so for you to have actually called intsead of the usual text." Rose replied in her usual calm.

"_Gog damnit Rose I don't have time for this, John could be __**dying**__, now could you get Maryam on the fucking phone?!_" Karkat barked harshly.

"What's happened with John?" Rose asked, her tone now very serious.

"My fucking fuckass of a Moirail gave him sopor slime and he's now spewing it back out along with what looks like his own blood." Karkat replied quickly not having time to argue who it was he told at this point.

John at that moment chose to eject more of the foul substance out with a pitiful whimper. He was shaking badly now even with Karkat doing his best to hold him steady. His face was still scruntched up in pain as tears streaked down his cheeks now as his stomach tightened sharply. Karkat shooshed him as he started to rock back and forth with him. Rose must have been able to hear John from the phone because Karkat could make out her voice calling out for Kanaya sharply on the other line.

"Karkat, what exactly happened?" Kanaya's voice asked as soon as she was handed the phone.

"I don't fucking know, I only got here in time to find John on the floor spewing-" Whatever rant the troll was about to go on was interrupted by John keening in pain.

"And there is blood?" Kanaya asked pointedly.

No reply.

"_Karkat_." Kanaya snapped into the phone to regain the Cancers attention, "How much blood?"

"I-it's mostly just slime, but there's a good amount of blood too. I don't fucking know how much okay? It's fucking red and he's still fucking tossing it up." Karkat's voice was losing whatever kind of control he had first had as he watched helplessly as John was suffering.

"Keep calm. We are both on our way." With that Kanaya hung up leaving the Knight of Blood to panic over the sight of his ill Matesprite.

Gamzee this whole time couldn't think to do anything besides watch the episode taking place before him. He hadn't meant to cause this. He just wanted to bring his best bro a pie. John had _asked_ to try it. How was he supposed to know this would happen? As he watched the two of them the juggalo could see how much his moirail was starting to freak out. But for John's sake Karkat needed to be calm, or at least _calm-er_. He was currently rocking back and forth with John in his arms breathing rapidly, practically hyperventilating.

"Karkat." Gamzee said in a gentle tone effectively getting the shorter trolls attention.

"What the fuck do you want now, Gamzee?" Karkat spat bitterly with a growl.

"I'm sorry bro-"

"Sorry? Your _Sorry_?" Karkat cut in sharply, "_That means exactly __**shit **__to me right now_."

"I know, just calm down-"

"Gamzee, if you _ever _tell me to 'calm down' again I swear to fucking gog I will _end you_." Karkat growled with a bitter glare.

Ignoring the threat Gamzee moved closer to Karkat and John, which the Cancer protested with thick growls. Gamzee's ears were in the submissive state as he knelt beside his furious moirail.

"I know I did a major wrong here bro, but it's not going to help John by being all up and mad and shit right now." The juggalo stated taking the chance of having Karkat keep to his threat, "Just take a motherfuckin' breath."

Karkat was enraged at the Capricorn right now and had he not been holding John he was sure he'd be ripping the clown a new one. How could he have been so fucking _stupid_? Gog damnit! And now, with the shit hitting the whirly device he was making a suprising amount of fucking sense. Taking a few deep breaths he tried to calm himself down, if only for John's sake. John, who was no longer throwing up but still whimpering in pain, was now seated squarely in the trolls lap in fetal position. It was pathetic and painful just to watch. Shooshing and papping and rocking, Karkat did the best he could to comfort his ailing matesprite.

Not too long later there was a rush of wind outside followed by hurried footsteps as both Rose and Kanaya entered through the still open kitchen door; from the look of it Rose had flown the two of them there with her magic. Both their eyes were drawn to the opposite side of the kitchen by what sounded like a deep buzzed purring noise, which seemed to be coming from the Cancer who was rocking to and fro with John curled in his lap. In a moment the Seer had made her way around the counter to where Karkat and John were. The boy wasn't groaning as loud as he had been earlier though he had clearly been crying not too long ago. He had sweat a good deal also and his hair was plastered to his face, which Rose moved away in order to see him more clearly. He was pale but his expression was no longer pained, it still showed some discomfort though as he still held his middle securely in his arms.

Karkat, although allowing Rose close enough to investigate, was not letting up his hold on the boy. He couldn't help it, his defensive instincts were starting to take over. John had gotten quiet and his heartbeat had slowed back towards its normal pace, but he could still feel the other tensing up every now and then. While Rose looked over John Kanaya was looking over the mess he had made on the floor. The puddle of slime reached from where the boy was with the others almost all the way over to the door. Obviously some of the distance was from projectiling, but still, the shear volume of the stuff was far more then the Heir could have possibly have ingested. And true to the Cancer's description there were clear shades and splotches of blood red mixed in with the substance.

Looking up Kanaya's eyes searched out the troll that had been put at fault for the incident. Gamzee sat on the floor across and off a bit from the Karkat and the humans. His head was down and his ears in the submissive as he was clearly feeling the tension pressing on him for this unfortunate event. She gracefully made her way across to him, careful to avoid the others and stood directly infront of the juggalo.

"Makara." She stated coolly, which caused the Capricorn to wince.

Even after the game ended and he had been put back on slime Gamzee had never lost his apprehension of the jade blood. Neither, did it seem, did she lose hers for him. He didn't lift his gaze from the floor, but he did shift his head in her direction to show he was paying attention.

"I need to know exactly how much sopor that Egbert ingested." She said pointedly.

Gamzee was silent for a moment before finding his voice.

"I don't motherfuckin' know." He replied, his voice heavy.

"You need to do better than that, Makara. This is important and we need you to remember." Kanaya stated firmly, "Now, how much did he eat?"

Gamzee was quiet again, though he seemed to be thinking hard on something this time. His eyes slipped over the floor to the spoon John had been using, which was tossed from the counter in the initial panicked episode. He tried thinking back to when it had still been in the kids hand.

"He didn't eat that much. I don't know all about how much he had, but it sure as a motherfuck wasn't _that_ much." He replied gesturing to the pooling liquid.

"That much is obvious." Kanaya stated plainly, "But not helpful enough."

"It couldn't of been more then a few spoonfuls. Bro looked like he was gettin' dizzy an stopped before-" The Capricorn cut himself off before once more gesturing towards the substance.

"I see." Kanaya nodded, turning to wait for Rose to finish her own inspections.

Karkat had still refused to let his hold faulter on John, which was starting to get in Rose's way. She had tried working around it feeling a bit of compassion and understanding of the troll at first, but there was only so much she could do as things were. She could take John's pulse and check his breathing well enough, but what she needed was to get a better look at what was causing him such pain, his stomach. With John curled in on himself and the troll curled around him you can imagine the problems she was running into.

"Karkat, I need you to let go of John for a minute." Rose stated as calmly as she could, hiding her impatience.

Karkat didn't follow her request and when she tried to shift his arms a growl slipped past his lips, rising up over the resonating noise coming from his chest. The Seerer retracted her hand even though she was sure he wouldn't actually attack her, given the circumstances. Kanaya, however, was beside her in a moment and without hesitation placed her fingers atop the others head one above his horn and one below and applied pressure. The troll chirped in surpise, his shoulders tensing up and eyes squeazed shut before his whole body went limp. He was still breathing, but the buzzing and growling all stopped, as well as his hold on John.

Rose didn't hesitate in pulling John away enough to check his stomach and anywhere else she could think of before replacing him in the others lap. The Heir grunted at being moved but other then that seemed to be focusing on breathing steadily. When Rose tried asking him questions he would grunt his replies but nothing else. He had tired to actually speak once but just ended up coughing thickly, dribbling a bit of the green down his chin as he did so.

It wasn't too long before Karkat's arm regain their ability to function and wrapped back around the boy. The troll seemed more attuned to the fact that other people were there now though and looked at the two females expectantly. It was Kanaya that spoke first.

"Are you feeling alright now Karkat?" She asked him.

He nodded but looked at her in confusion. It was John that was sick, why ask about him?

"You had gotten defensive a moment ago. I had to subdue you." She answered before he even got the question to his mouth, "I did not press too hard, but I simply wanted to make sure you were fully with us now."

Nodding his head Karkat cleared his throat to speak now.

"What about John?" He asked looking down at the aforementioned boy.

"He seems to be recovering quickly enough." Rose spoke up now, "His pulse is almost completely normal now and, side from a few stomach cramps, is physically well."

"Though it might take a little more time for the slime to fully leave his system." Kanaya continued, "It looks like his body did a fine job of purging itself, if not a bit violently."

"But, what about the blood?" Karkat asked with a furrowed brow.

"It is a minor issue in the matter. Were it a serious side effect then there would be more of it. Or at the very least he would be ejecting that from his body now as the slime is no longer prominant in his system." Kanaya answered, "It would seem the volume of slime was nothing more then the natural expanding property it has. When it reached John's stomach it began to expand as it does when it is being used to fill a recuperacoon. Only his stomach could only expand so far."

Karkat nodded his head and tried to follow along with the explination as best he could. Rose was the one to ask the next question.

"But Gamzee was eating too, as is it within his normal habit to do so. How is it that he never suffers the same effects?" She questioned.

"Trolls function differently then humans and although I do not profess to be an expert on the subject I do believe I can theorize a decent enough answer. When a troll eats sopor the slime still begins to expand, however there are acids in a trolls stomach that deal with such occurances. That is why it is harder for a troll to become ill from eating to much opposed to humans who suffer such things seemingly often. It is this acidic reaction that causes the effect of sopor as seen in Mr. Makara." The Jade blood conculded with hardly a breath to be regained.

"That's all interesting as fuck I'm sure, but what does that mean for John exactly?" Karkat asked, an edge creeping back into his voice.

"It simply means that with some rest he should be back to his old self reletively soon." The pale troll replied earning relieved looks from all present.

"How can you be so sure of that?" Karkat asked hugging John a bit tighter.

"I would explain it to you but it is clear that you are just as worn out as John is." She stated, " I would suggest the both of you rest for a time. Rose and I will remain here until you wake."

"I'm not going to sleep." Karkat replied with a shake of his head.

"At the very least it would do you both good to get away from this mess for a bit." Rose spoke up now returning to her feet, "I can't imagine the smell it too pleasent for either of you."

Karkat could only grumble in agreement and, with a bit of help from Kanaya and Rose, got to his feet with John in his arms. Carrying the Heir from the room he started up the stairs to put him in their bed.

Placing the boy gently down Karkat covered him up with a blanket, letting out a sigh of relief at knowing he'd be fine after all. When he started to stand up again he was stopped by John's grip on his shirt. Looking down he was greeted with the sight of John's squinting eyes.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, coughing once the words left his lips.

"Sh-" Karkat replied, shaking his head gently, "Just sleep now."

Reaching up to pull the glasses from the boys face Karkat leaned forward and places a reassuring kiss on the others forehead. John let out a sigh and shifted slightly under the covers before letting his eyes close. Karkat remained in the room until he was sure that he was asleep before heading back down stairs.

Re-entering the kitchen Karkat found that both the girls as well as Gamzee had started cleaning up the messy floor. Without a word he began to help as well, ignoring Kanaya's protests that he simply take a breather. Though the main problem had been seen to there was still a palpable tension in the air that everyone was well aware of. Gamzee especially as he did his best to keep his distance from the Cancer, a real feat in the small space they were cleaning. He didn't make a sound nor did he look up at any point, but kept to wiping up the mess he was basically responsible for.

When the vomit and slime had been done away with everyone fidgited uncomfortably. Rose looked between both Karkat and Gamzee then to Kanaya, silently asking what was to be done now. The two aforementioned trolls were not looked at one other nor making any kind of acknowledgement that the other was even there. This stretched on for almost ten minutes before Kanaya did, in fact, intervene. Passively of course.

"I think it would be best to let this place air out a bit." She stated casually.

Karkat pushed off from his seat with a huff.

"Fucking fine." He growled shoving his hands in his pockets and heading out the door.

Gamzee stood there a moment looking after the other before Kanaya moved and gave him a gentle push to follow. Swallowing thickly the Capricorn did as directed, his chest filled with anxiety over this obvious confrontation. He knew it had to happen considering, but that didn't make things any easier. Not in the least.

Outside was windy and damp from all the rain that had fallen over the week. The sky was cloudy and slightly dark telling any who looked up at it that it was going to rain again and soon. However, Karkat didn't seem to be paying any attention to its warning as he kept walking with his hands shoved into his pockets. Gamzee followed behind, though he kept a good distance between them. The longer they walked the more anxious he got, eventually, he knew, they were ging to have to talk.

Karkat fumed in his head, ranting and seething in silence. He knew Kanaya meant for them to work this out, but he was far to angry to want to fix anything. In fact, he just wanted to break something. Of course, the wet weather wasnt really helping his mood any. He hated the rain and the fact that it was so close he could smell it put him even more on edge, if that were even possible.

Gamzee's hands were in his own pockets as he followed his infuriated moirail. He didn't really know what he was going to say other then 'sorry' and he had said that a few times already. He hadn't meant to hurt John, he'd never want to do that. He just wanted to give Karkat a gift, a slime pie to let him know he needed to calm down some. He had known that the Cancer wasn't going to eat it, he never did, but that didn't mean that the message didn't get across.

Karkat stopped suddenly which caused the Capricorn to halt as well, his head jolting up towards the other. Despite having stopped Karkat didn't say anything. Gamzee was far to nervous to speak himself and so he waited. Karkat removed his hands from his pockets and crossed them over his chest, one of his hands up to massage his temple.

"Why?" He asked just under his breath, though his voice got louder over time, "What the fuck were you thinking? Were you even thinking?! I highly fucking doubt it because when the fuck does that ever fucking happen?!"

Gamzee put his ears down in the submissive as the Cancer started to get rolling.

"All the fucking times I fucking told you not to eat that fucking shit and not only do you do it any-fucking-way, you give some to _my fucking __**matesprite**__._" Karkat was shaking at this point but still fighting the urge to turn around and face the Bard, "_How did that even seem like a decent or even slightly okay thing to do? Even if he didn't just fucking heave it all up again, if it just got him out of his fucking mind like you-_"

Gamzee winced and curled in on himself a little.

"_Do you think that that would be a better alternative? Well it wouldn't be and do you want to know __**why**__? Because then that would mean you would be melting his fucking thinkpan like you do your own. You can fuck yourself over all you fucking want but leave my fucking matesprite out of it!_"

It was now that the Knight of Blood turned to face the lanky Bard, arms raised as he continued to yell. Gamzee's own hands were now removed from his own pockets and raised defensively in front of him. For every step foward the Cancer made the Capricorn took one back.

"_Gog fucking damnit, you don't see me fucking with __**your**__ matesprite! I don't go and shove poison down fucking __**Tavros's**__ thoat!_" The tone in Karkat's words was growing particularly venomous, "_But I guess that's just a special sevice only __**you**__ fucking offer. Specific to fucking fucked up slime eating clowns that are too fucking high off there ass to give a shit about anything other then their fucking 'miracles'!_"

"Kar-bro, calm dow-"

Gamzee didn't even finish his sentence when Karkat launched off the ground and tackled him. The Cancer started to punch furiously at any part of the other that he could reach. Gamzee couldn't do anything more then protect his face as his moirail stated screaming at him again.

"_I TOLD YOU NOT TO FUCKING TELL ME TO CALM DOWN YOU FUCKING TAINT CHAFFING GRUB SUCKING __**INCOMPITANT FUCKING ASSHAT!**_" Karkat was, at this point, blugeoning the shit out of the others arms.

Gamzee didn't try to hold his arms back or stop him in any way. He figured it would be best to just let the Cancer vent it all out now however he needed to. If something like this had happened back on Alternia a troll would kill anyone who had put their matesprite in this kind of danger, moirail or not. He considered himself lucky that so far it was only a beating. He also figured he kind of deserved it considering what he did. Karkat had brought up a good point before. Had it been Tavros who had been in trouble he would react in basically the same way.

After a few minutes Karkat finally burnt himself out and he slumped backwards onto the ground panting. Gamzee remained lying down, bruises already starting to form up and down his arms. His shoulders and parts of his face that had gotten hit up at the beginning were also starting to darken. It had started to drizzle while Karkat had been beating the Capricorn down and now both of them were fairly wet. Gamzee could feel his hair starting to mat together on his forehead as it steadily got wetter. Looking over he saw Karkat wiping his face down, though with his sleeve being just about as water logged as his face was it did little good.

Not looking over at the Capricorn Karkat got to his feet and took a deep breath. Gamzee started to sit up now and was surpised when the Cancer offered his hand to help him up. Taking it without question Gamzee was pulled to his feet.

"Kar-bro-"

"Don't." Karkat interrupted, though Gamzee didn't stop.

"I'm motherfuckin' sorry bro." Gamzee said, his voice was strained and a few purple tinted tears mixed with the rain that dripped down his face.

"I know, Gamzee." Karkat sighed heavily, "I know. I'm a fucking nooksack. I know you wouldn't hurt John anymore then you would Tavros. I just- Fuck."

Karkat brought a hand up and hit himself on the forehead. Gamzee stepped forward and put his arms around Karkat, pulling him into a hug. The shorter troll was tense at the sudden contact though he didn't push him away.

"Gamzee, what the fuck are you doing?" He asked the Capricorn.

"You did this shit for me once when I was all up and in a bad place and it made me feel all kinds of better. I just figured I owed a bro and all." Gamzee replied, "I hope its all motherfuckin' helpful and shit."

Karkat sighed and still made no move to worm his way out of the embrace. Gamzee, despite the clear injuries looked happy as the Cancer ramained contently in his arms. Neither of them even really noticed the rain anymore.

Meanwhile, back at the hive John had woken up to the sound and vibrations of his phone which was in his pocket. Digging it out John flipped it open to see that Dave had started pestering him. He debated just ignoring him for a while so he could sleep some more until he read what his friend had sent him so far.

- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering ectoBiologist [EB]

TG: egbert

TG: yo egbert you still alive over there

TG: seriously dude answer me

TG: dont make me recruit harley to my cause dude

TG: ill do it man

TG: get her all over your buisness with her space powers and everything

TG: like a dog on a dead squirrel

TG: like scooby on a scooby snack

TG: like kanye on tyler swift at the music video awards

TG: okay rose said youd be asleep and shit but what the hell

TG: ive sent you like a dozen messages already

TG: are you in a fucking coma or some shit

EB: i thought you were going to get Jade to check in on me.

TG: well holi fuckin lluya youre still alive

EB: you spelled that wrong dave.

EB: like, really wrong.

TG: dont give a fuck

TG: ill let you finish in a minute

TG: i just want to say what the fuck dude

TG: letting your best bro hang on the line like this

TG: broadway directors got nothing on the hangtime you give to blond knockouts

TG: just sitting here about to ironically piss my pants while you go traipsing around in fucking lala land with a juggalo

EB: wow.

EB: you done?

TG: yea dude

TG: you got the floor

EB: you sure?

TG: oh wait

TG: got a feeling here

TG: okay no

TG: youre good

TG: but seriously

TG: you okay

EB: yea, i'm fine.

EB: still a little naseous, but other then that i'm okay.

TG: jesus egbert

TG: what wer even thinking about eating that shit

EB: how do you even know about that already?

TG: dont under estimate the power and speed of a lalonde

EB: of course.

EB: guess this means i wont be hearing the end of it for a while.

TG: you guess correctly

TG: i didnt call jade yet or anything but you can be sure that rose took care of that by now

EB: gog damnit

TG: youre cursing like a troll again dude

EB: i kind of live with one dave

TG: not the point

TG: you are on the shit list my friend

EB: ironically?

TG: nope

TG: full time bro

EB: what?

EB: why?

TG: dude

TG: you ate a trolls bed

EB: I did not.

EB: okay, well technically i did.

EB: but it was a pie!

TG: just because it was in a dish doesn't make it a pie

TG: if i put shit in a dish would you eat that

TG: damn dude

TG: you seriously had me worried

TG: no bullshit

EB: sorry.

EB: i was just curious.

EB: i didn't think it would make me sick like that.

EB: the worst i figured would maybe be like what happened to jade that time.

EB: i had an epipen just in case.

TG: seriously

TG: after what happened to jade why would you tempt fate

TG: it hasn't really been a kind and forgiving force

EB: it hasn't been that bad.

EB: karkat's been letting me try stuff every so often.

TG: speaking of which

TG: where the fuck was he for this

EB: he was kind of out of the house at the time.

EB: gamzee came by looking for him with the pie.

TG: well that must have been great for him to find

TG: from what rose told me the whole kitchen was coverd in your vomit

EB: not the whole kitchen.

EB: just in front of the sink.

EB: and kind of past that.

TG: gross dude

TG: how much did you eat

EB: not much.

EB: just a few spoonfuls.

EB: like a pudding cup serving.

TG: how could you eat that much of it

TG what does it even taste like

John hesitated as he thought it over before sending his reply.

EB: like vomit ladden miracles

- ectoBiologist [EB] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG]

John shut his phone then and placed it in his nightstand before turning over and going back to sleep. He could hear it vibrating with a few more messages from Dave before it eventually went quite.

END


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